Because Of The Line
by castlenova
Summary: In the first episode, Cal tells that woman her husband will never leave his wife for her. Gillian quizzes him later and finds out some home truths. Bad summary. Discovered on computer during file clean out!  Along with a few more
1. Chapter 1

Gillian Foster was laughing. She was laughing because her business partner and friend, Cal Lightman was making her. First he told her about the woman he'd encountered with her married lover. He told her how he'd told that woman that her lover was lying, that he was never going to leave his wife for her. Then he told her about Emily's latest boyfriend and how he had greeted him at their doorway.

"My god, she must have been mortified." Gillian chuckled, leaning forward and taking her glass of the table. It was late and everyone else had scampered off to respective homes and bars. Except Cal and Gillian. Because they never went home early. Cal would go home if Emily were there; otherwise he'd extend his time in the Lightman Building. And Gillian, she knew her husband was working late and she didn't like going home to an empty house.

"Nah, she'll get over it." Cal laughed, knocking back the last of his own wine in one swift motion. He glanced up at her, trying to read her face but she was, for once, giving nothing away. They were silent for a moment until Gillian spoke again.

"So what made you tell the woman about her lover?" she asked, curiosity getting the better of her. He saw so many things, she realised, that he couldn't possibly fix. She wondered what had prompted him to try fixing this one. Sometimes she wondered if he didn't hate it, being able to look at people and know exactly what they were feeling. He scrunched his face up. She could see the clocks whirring in his head, thinking of an answer. In the end, the one he gave her was the truth.

"Something Torres said to me before I left. About, seeing things and not doing anything about them…" He reached across the table, picking up the half empty bottle of wine and pouring them each another glass, marvelling at how much they had managed to drink in a short space of time. He noticed Gillian was looking at him, waiting for him to elaborate on his answer.

"I saw someone lying and I said nothing about it, so Torres, being the expert she is already, started hassling me about it," he said, shrugging.

"Who was it?" she asked.

"No one, just someone in the Analysis Room…" Gillian sat back in her seat, holding her wine glass and twirling it slightly in her hand. Cal was sure she was going to spill some of it over the rim. Eventually she looked up at him again.

"Why didn't you tell the person about it?" she asked, though she was only looking for him to confirm her suspicions. He glanced at her and their eyes locked for a moment. Everything he might have said, could have and possibly should have said got lost in her eyes, and again, he ended up telling her the truth.

"Because of the line, love."


	2. Chapter 2

"Cal…" Her voice took on a warning tone, the kind of tone that said 'stop right there'.

"Gillian…" he responded, using the exact same tone as her, slightly goading her, she thought. She took a deep breath and sat back in her chair, reaching for her glass and taking a sip from it. Cal sat quietly, waiting for her to continue, allowing that minute for her to compose her thoughts and him to read them off her face as she had them.

"Sometimes things are more than black and white Cal." He frowned at that, poking his tongue into his cheek and raising an eyebrow.

"What's this, the cryptic crossword?" She stifled a laugh at that but it was clear to anyone that she was trying to get away from the subject of conversation. She looked up, their eyes locking over the desk.

"Just leave it alone Cal. Please."

"No."

"What?"

"Something's wrong. Well, I mean _more _wrong. Let's face it, something's been wrong for a while, I knew that. So what is it luv? What's happened?" Gillian sighed in annoyance and stood up. Cal nodded to himself. He was right. He stood up after her.

"What's wrong Cal, is the fact that you've stuck your nose into my business. Again. Why can't you just leave me to sort things out myself?" She was picking up her jacket off the back of the chair as he moved around the desk to impede her exit.

"Because I'm worried about you and I don't want to see you getting hurt, that's why. Because, whatever's going on, you've been sitting on it for the last, oh about 6 months? Give or take? And I can tell, I can tell by the fact that you're still here, it's 11 o' clock at night for God's sake, that it's grating on you." She stared at him for a moment and allowed herself, for just a minute, to think about how good he was at what he did. Then her anger took over.

"Why do you find it so difficult to abide by the line we drew for ourselves?" she spat angrily, deciding that going on the offence would likely be her best form of defence. He twisted his head away for a moment, laughing, before turning back to her.

"Because it's bollocks." Gillian shook her head.

"Cal, it's important. In the line of work we're in, it's important that we have our privacy, you know that. How would you feel if I read everything off your face, knew exactly what you'd done, when and where?" Cal shook his head and held up his hand.

"That question's void because I know you do that anyway, I'm not stupid Gill." Gillian shook her head in exasperation. This was turning into a nightmare. She held both hands up, trying to calm both herself and the situation.

"That's my point exactly Cal. It's a problem we both have. We both know too much of what's going on with each other and that's not fair on either of us. That's why the line is in place."

"Yeah, well the line's not working, is it?" he asked, sounding every bit like a petulant child who had just been proved right. Gillian's eyes locked with his and for a moment it looked like they were having a staring contest. Finally she bowed her head.

"No, it isn't." He nodded. Now they were getting somewhere. He leaned against the desk, standing next to her and also looked at the ground. Eventually Gillian spoke, without looking up.

"You know, we always said that this couldn't work, if we couldn't keep our private lives separate…" Cal looked up as she trailed off, the seriousness of what she had just said causing his stomach to lurch. He looked at her but she was still staring at the ground.

"Hey." She ignored him. He reached out and tilted her chin up with his fingers and caught her eye with his. "Don't even think about that," he said, swallowing hard, wondering now if this confrontation had been worth it at all. When he'd sat down with her earlier this evening, he'd had no intention of mentioning anything of the sort to her. But now it had all blown out of proportion and he wondered if, when it happened, the pieces could be picked up. Gillian turned her face away from his touch and sat back down in the chair by his desk. He nodded and rather than sit back into his own, he sat into the one next to her. He took a deep breath.

"Look luv, I'm worried about you. I'm not trying to pry or do anything like that. But you're my best friend and even if I couldn't read faces I'd have figured out something's wrong by now. I just want to help. If I can." She never looked at him but she could tell from his tone that it was sincere. Hell, she knew it was sincere without even thinking about it. She'd seen it in him before. He could be a selfish asshole but when the chips were down, especially for her, he was always there.

"Ok," she said finally and she turned her head to see his face. He nodded sombrely and waited while she took a sip of what was left in her wineglass. He watched her out of the corner of his eye, her free hand fiddling with the hem on the end of her skirt. He watched as she bought her other hand down to clasp it, a nervous habit, he knew and he smiled at it. Finally she turned to face him.

"Alec is using again."


	3. Chapter 3

"Ok," he said, in that understanding tone, urging her to continue. He knew Alec had had a bit of a thing for drugs when he and Gillian had first met. He remembered doing a line or two with him at a conference one night to try and help him loosen up while meeting Gillian's work colleagues. Ridiculously unprofessional now that he thought of it in hindsight. Gillian had blown a fuse when she found out. She'd scolded Cal for being so unprofessional and he was pretty sure Alec got an earful too. That was the last time Cal had ever touched drugs. Alec obviously couldn't say the same.

He'd watched Gillian so carefully all the time she was with Alec and couldn't help but notice she was happier as the weeks went on. She was in love he'd concluded, he knew how that looked and felt. And when the engagement was announced he had just assumed that Alec had gotten his act together and kicked that habit. Apparently not.

"It was after Sophie. We tried to go through the adoption process again but I don't think either of us was ready. So, as you know, I threw myself into work. He threw himself into cocaine." She took a deep breath and Cal reached a hand out to rest on her arm.

"Have you spoken to him about it?" Gillian shook her head.

"I don't know that I can go through that again, Cal. I don't know that I want to." She hung her head and Cal closed his eyes. She was exuding deep shame and now he knew why she was so reluctant to have this conversation. He tightened his grip on her arm, his thumb rubbing circles through the fabric. She looked up finally.

"Now do you understand why I want us to keep the line in place?" she said, tears dribbling down her face. Cal swallowed, reaching a hand up to thumb away her tears.

"Gillian luv, you're going through a tough time. You shouldn't be keeping something like this bottled up. You need your friends. You know, sometimes it's hard to believe you're the bloody psychologist!" he joked, hoping she wouldn't take it the wrong way. She didn't. She chuckled as he lowered his hand from her face.

"I don't know what to do," she suddenly said in a quiet, pained voice. Cal shifted his seat closer to her and draped his arm across the back of hers, his hand pulling her to him.

"What do you _want_ to do?" She shook her head.

"I don't know. But it's broken Cal. It's all wrong."

"I know luv." He stared straight forward, content just to hold her tight and let her talk as she saw fit. She was staring out the window.

"How does it even happen Cal? How, after six years does something that was good just go bad? You'd think after six years, you'd be safe." Cal bit his bottom lip.

"It's never safe love. Not after one, six or even fourteen. Look at me. I'm old, miserable and alone," he smirked and she glanced up at him, a smile threatening to creep across her face.

"Looks like I'm joining that club," she said sadly and he looked at her.

"You're sure about that then?"

"About what?"

"About getting out? Because you need to think about that. You need to think about the pros and cons. You need to think about your happiest times and your worst times and see which ones you can't get out of your head because if it's the happy ones then you might still have something to save." He knew this stuff. He'd gone through enough of it with him and Zoe when they were breaking up. He'd had the same doubts as Gillian at the time. Why is it breaking up now? How does it even happen after so long together? Eventually he decided he'd never know. Some things just weren't meant to be and sometimes they just took a bit longer to run their course.

"I've spent six months thinking of nothing else Cal. I went through it all once. I'm not doing it again. Not for someone who's barely spoken to me since everything with Sophie, as if, as if it was my fault it all happened. Who knows, maybe it was…" Cal twisted his chair around in front of her, her legs sandwiched between his as he tipped her face up with his hands.

"That wasn't your fault Gill and you know it. Christ, is this how he's been making you feel for the last six months? Sod leaving him love, I'll fucking kill him." Gillian smiled at him through her fast forming tears, shaking her head.

"He's dealing with it in his own way…"

"By getting high and blaming you?"

"I never said it was the right way." Cal watched her face, watched the emotions play across it as he stroked her cheeks with his thumbs, his own head shaking at what was going on for her.

"Gill, you've had, from my calculations, six months of extreme unhappiness. And of all the people I know, you're the one person that I know doesn't deserve that. I'm not telling you what to do because God knows I'm no expert. Whatever you decide is your choice. But, in future don't be extremely unhappy on your own eh? I'm right here and, as for the line, lines are made to be crossed. Just, trust me." She hadn't taken her eyes off him since he'd tipped her face up to look at him. His hands were still on her cheeks, thumbs stroking her jaw bones and she suddenly felt as though she could fall asleep right there. He was right of course. You should never be unhappy alone, and she did feel much better now that she'd told someone. Better and yet distinctly lost, like saying it aloud had made it all the more real and she suddenly felt the need to be held tight.

But she knew she wouldn't be so she stood up instead and he followed suit. She started pulling her coat on again and he helped her get her arm through the sleeve. She turned back to face him, her eyes darting to the ground, she was still hiding. His hands fell on her arms.

"It's going to be ok luv. I promise you that." AS she looked up he tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear before dropping his hand back to her arm. Nodding, she stepped in close and wrapped her arms around his neck, her chin falling to his shoulder as his arms encircled her waist holding her tight. He turned his head slightly to breathe in her scent and closed his eyes at the intoxication of her.

Pulling back from him a little she placed a soft, thank you kiss, on the corner of his mouth, where they usually directed their friendly greeting pecks. Cal smiled as she did but it fell slightly when she didn't pull away. They stood close for a moment, Gillian's lips and inch from his, her hands pulling back and onto his jaw and neck. He opened his mouth to speak but never got the chance as her lips came down on his and then he was kissing her. He couldn't help it though he knew they were wrong. It had never stopped him before but somehow the feeling was going through his head that he was tainting her. He still kissed back though, one hand splayed up her back pulling her closer to him, the other on her hip.

When they broke the were breathless and rested their foreheads against each other.

"What…" Cal tried but breathlessness overtook him.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that," she said quickly and quietly. He glanced up at her face. No remorse, no shame, just…desire. He gulped.

"Gill don't get me wrong, you could do that to me all day and I'd happily stand here looking forward to the next day but…you're married, luv. And I know you're uncertain about it but...this is, more my style than yours. You're better than I am and I don't want to drag you down to my level, I've never wanted that." He couldn't believe that he was effectively turning down Gillian Foster, the woman he'd wanted since pretty much meeting her and here he was saying no to her. But, somewhere, he knew he was doing the right thing. She needed to figure things out for herself. He'd still be there when she did. She took a small step back from him.

"Cal, you're not dragging me anywhere," she said softly, hurt, he noticed and he mentally kicked himself.

"Gill, no, listen…" She shook her head.

"No I get it Cal. I'm the good girl, I'm not supposed to step out of line because it would ruin the image you've made of me for yourself. I get it. Let's just forget it." She made her way to the door and Cal stared as she went, his mouth open wide, aghast. How the bloody hell had that happened?

_Ok, so I have an idea of where this is going and hope to get moere up soon. Hadn't even intended on making this more than a one shot but you mean people convinced me!_


	4. Chapter 4

Cal sat for a good hour after she'd left, replaying the conversation in his head. When he struggled to figure out what had just happened, he played it off the cameras which, despite his remarks, were _always _recording. His stomach lurched when he watched her kiss him. It had, of course, been an amazing kiss. Everything that had come after was just baffling. She'd taken him up completely the wrong way and he cursed himself now for his lack of clarity even though, at the time, he thought he'd been perfectly clear in what he'd said. He shook his head as he turned off the video feed, pondering. Glancing at his watch he sighed. It was too late to do anything now. Shutting down everything, he finally stood up. It was time to go home.

OXOXOXO

The next morning shot by in a whirlwind. Cal was tied up with a couple of different cases, none of them very taxing as it turned out, but time consuming. Then he had paperwork that had to be signed off on. It so happened that he didn't bump into Gillian until mid afternoon when he'd spotted her head to the break room and decided to follow her, hoping no one else would be around.

Gillian Foster had finished all of her paperwork that morning but had thought about nothing but the previous night and how it could drive a wedge between she and Cal. The truth was, she didn't really know what she was doing kissing him but now that she had done it, she couldn't understand why she hadn't sooner. _ Because you're married_, the voice in her head said. He was right about that. But his righteousness didn't sit with her. With anyone else, he'd have just plain ignored a wedding ring but with her, why was it different? Why did he suddenly feel the need to be a gentleman with her when what she really needed, and wanted was for him to be his good old self. She didn't notice him come in as she stirred her hot chocolate over the sink, lost in thought. He cleared his throat, bringing her back to reality and she turned briefly to look at him before turning her attention back to the mug.

"We need to talk," he said quickly.

"About what?" She finally stopped stirring her tea and dropped the spoon into the sink. Cal sighed. She wasn't going to make this easy. So he was going to simplify it.

"A number of things. But I'd rather we talked in private." Desperate to fix the situation or not, he still wasn't going to do it here in such a public place. She still didn't turn around.

"I have a meeting in five minutes." He nodded his head, acknowledging that she had no intention of cutting him any slack.

"Come by my office after. I'll be there." Without waiting for her response he walked out, taking a deep breath as he did. Now it was time to play the waiting game.

OXOXOXO

At about 6:15 that evening Gillian was about to leave the building. She planned on dropping in on Cal as she was running out the door, try to make this conversation as quick and painless as possible. She knocked lightly on the door and waited for his response. But one didn't come. Frowning, she opened the door and looked in. There was no sign of him. She dropped her files on the table by the door and wandered inside to check the study. He had a habit of falling asleep in there. But there was no sign of him there either. As she turned back out of the study, she felt a a brief annoyance building up in her. Was this her punishment for last night? Was he going to give her the runaround now? The joke was on him if so, she didn't even want to have this conversation. She just wanted to forget the previous night had ever happened. Well she didn't. But she didn't want to deal with the confusion even though everytime she thought about it, she realised it was the clearest thinking she'd done in a long time. Closing over the door to his study, she suddenly spotted the sheet of paper on his desk.

Picking it up, she read what was on it:

_Hey Luv. Had to leave. Emily's got herself into trouble again. We'll talk tomorrow. Cal. _Gillian grimaced as she read it. He'd been vague which meant that anything could be after happening. She decided within a few seconds what she was going to do. Without hesitation, she flipped open her cell phone and dialled the only number she knew off by heart.

OXOXO

_Ok, cutting off there. What's happened to Em? What's going to happen between Cal and Gillian. R+R!_


	5. Chapter 5

Cal answered the phone without thinking, without looking, assuming it was going to be Zoe. When he heard Gillian's voice on the other end he cursed himself silently before walking to a quieter area.

"Before you say anything, I'm not using Emily as an excuse…" he said quickly, hoping she wasn't calling to berate him for standing her up. Could he call it standing her up?

"I wasn't going to even suggest that. I'm just phoning to see if everything's ok." Cal swallowed hard and took a deep breath. He'd given her nothing, a tid bit of a suggestion that something was amiss and she was willing to ignore the issues between them to ask about Emily. No wonder he loved this woman.

"Not really luv, no…" he said finally.

OXOXOXO

Gillian gripped the slab of chocolate and stack of teenage magazines under her arm as she checked in at the front desk. The receptionist confirmed what Cal had told her – fourth floor – Maple Ward. Cal hadn't told her much on the phone but had promptly said yes when she'd asked if he wanted her to come down. He still needs me, she thought to herself, even if he doesn't want me.

As she stepped out of the lift, she ran straight into an angry woman, dragging a bewildered looking man behind her. Neither person apologised to Gillian who just frowned as they stepped into the lift. Walking on, she found the ward she was looking for and spotted Cal standing in the doorway of a private room. He spotted her and held up a hand to stall her for a moment. She nodded and sat down outside, glancing over the front covers of the magazines she'd brought and willing herself not to tuck into the chocolate she'd bought for Emily.

After about ten minutes, a doctor emerged from Emily's room followed by Cal who sat down in the chair next to Gillian, letting his hand fall onto her knee. He sighed tiredly and yawned. Gillian let her hand fall down onto his where it rested on her knee and waited for him to explain.

"There was some swelling to the back of her head which they're a bit worried about. They're waiting on scan results to determine the seriousness of it. She broke some ribs, which in turn, caused her lung to collapse. They said they only got her in on time. Another few minutes…" he couldn't finish the sentence. Gillian squeezed his hand and he took a deep breath to continue.

"She's stable now. And sleeping. They're waiting on the scan results to see if she suffered any brain damage or memory loss. It's the waiting game." Gillian nodded, taking all of the information in and letting it register. But something didn't register.

"What exactly happened Cal?"

"She was getting a ride home from a boy who swore blind that he was ok to drive after 6 drinks. He got a few scratches. Emily got this. And the other girl who was in the car is in a bad way too. He ran a red light, car bashed into the side – Emily's side." Gillian suddenly thought of something.

"I bumped into an angry looking couple at the elevator. They weren't…"

"The boys parents, yeah. Gave them a piece of my mind."

"Cal…" He shook his head, on a roll.

"No Gill. I told them I'd see their son got done for drink driving. And that if anything was seriously wrong with Emily I'd push for reckless driving and make sure he never drove so much as a moped for the rest of his life." Gillian could hear the upset in his voice and she tightened her hand on his again, not sure it was making any difference to him but hoping it was.

"Well at least you kept your calm," she joked and he chuckled, glancing up at her, sadness in his eyes.

"You should go home," he said, unintentionally dropping his gaze to her lips and twisting his hand to clasp into hers. She shook her head.

"Why? I only just got here. Besides…I've got to make sure you don't eat Emily's chocolate." She smirked as she held up the gigantic bar of chocolate, something she was sure would cause his heart to seize if he thought of Emily eating it. But the berating didn't come. Instead, he leaned across and kissed her softly on the lips. It was no more than a peck but to Gillian it felt like she was about to explode. Cal, on the other hand, seemed nonplussed.

"Thanks luv," he said, standing up to re-enter the room.

OXOXOXO

Almost an hour later, Emily was still sleeping¸ Gillian was still there and Zoe had yet to arrive. She was in Chicago knocking heads together to try and get a flight out back to DC. She'd phoned Cal a couple of times to keep him updated but so far she'd had no luck. The room was basked in a foreboding silence. Cal was pacing back and forth across the floor, waiting for something but he didn't know what. Gillian was ashamed to say that she was replaying his kiss over an over in her head. She knew she should have been talking to him, trying to calm him down but she was too tied up in what had happened. She also knew that talking to him wouldn't be worth a damn when he was this wound up. But she could try.

"Cal. You're wearing a path in the linoleum," she joked, trying to lighten the mood. He sat down next to her.

"I'm sorry luv. I don't think I'm able to sit still," he said honestly and Gillian nodded. She was sure that she'd be the same if she were in his place. A glimmer of sadness flickered across her face as she thought about the likelihood of being in that position but she pushed it away, knowing that this wasn't time for self-pity. Cal hadn't missed it though.

"You should go home luv," he said softly, his hand on her arm, thumb stroking her. She looked at him.

"Why?"

"Because being here is making you think about how you'd act in my position, and thinking about that is, well it's hurting you, isn't it?" His eyes bore into hers and she sometimes wondered, though he claimed not to, if he could read minds. She smirked and shook her head.

"You're good, Cal." He smirked, a hint of cockiness returning to him.

"Last I read they were saying 'best'." She chuckled and was about to answer when her phone rang in her pocket. Pulling it out, she saw her husband's name flashing on the screen. Biting her bottom lip, she stood up and answered the phone, stepping outside for a moment. Cal glanced at Emily before standing up and walking over to the door. He loved a good eavesdrop as much as the next peson…

OXOXOXO

_So was going to write more there but decided to cut it and keep it for the next bit. R+R_


	6. Chapter 6

Gillian Foster had forgotten she was supposed to be at an Embassy dinner with her husband tonight. It had completely slipped her mind after Cal had asked her to stop by his office. And once it was gone, it was gone. Her mind was set on her meeting with Cal and what it would throw up. Now that it had thrown up Emily's accident, her mind was set firmly not only on positive thoughts for the young teenager but for her beside himself dad as well.

"Alec, I'm sorry, I had to work late. We've got a couple of tough cases…" Cal frowned. No they didn't. He'd signed off on the last of their tough cases today. Loker and Torres were handling some of the obligatory 'cheating spouse' cases but otherwise they were quiet. And a bloody good thing too, he thought to himself. He had enough to worry about now.

"I know Alec but I'll hardly be missed, will I?" Cal frowned. He knew by her tone that she didn't want to go. But her words suggested that something had happened before that made her feel like an embassy dinner wasn't her place. He scoffed at the thought of anyplace being above her. Her pedestal rose higher than anyone's. He was biased, certainly, but he'd come across many an unbiased person who'd seen the same as him. It appeared her husband was looking in completely the wrong direction.

"Look Alec, something's come up. Cal's daughter's been in an accident…" Cal grimaced at that one, waiting for the suspected response.

"What? I'm not even going to answer that Alec. You're not doing this to me again…" Cal's eyes widened. Doing what? And again? He suddenly wished he could hear the other side of the conversation. He was still in his own little world when he heard her heels clicking on the tiles. She was coming back. He bounded away from the door and was looking down at his daughter when she re-entered the room. She glanced at him. There was something about his stance. Something more rigid about it. She smirked to herself. She was amazed at how easily he had given himself away. Maybe he'd meant to.

"So, I'm guessing from your posture that you heard everything I said, yeah?" Cal didn't look up. He smirked to himself. She was good.

"Everything right up to 'you're not doing this to me again'. I kind of zoned out after that. Care to enlighten me?" He looked up now, smirking at her. She smiled and shook her head.

"Nope." He nodded, sitting down on the chair by the bed.

"Didn't think so. Why didn't you go to the dinner love?" He patted the seat next to his and she sat down, not flinching as he instinctively draped his arm across the back of her chair.

"Honestly? After you asked me to stop by your office this evening, I just completely forgot about it." Cal watched her face and raised an eyebrow as she finished.

"That's actually true." She smiled at him.

"Not everyone is lying all the time Cal."

"Yeah. Not even me." She glanced at him and he smirked in response. She swallowed and glanced at the ground. He reached across and pulled her hand into his.

"You need to know something…" he began but she cut him off.

"Cal…"

"Everything I said last night I meant…" She stopped him again.

"Cal, you don't have to do this…" He shook his head.

"Yes I do. Because you picked me up horribly wrong last night and I'm not having you think that you're not perfect the way you are. Because you are. You are so wonderfully perfect that it pains me to see you unhappy, and it pains me even more the fact that I'm not good enough for you. Bloody hell, I couldn't be. But your thinking that you don't live up to my expectations of what you should be, that's rubbish. I couldn't, I couldn't think of a more perfect person to want, and to have want me, if you do that is. But you know me luv, people get dragged down into the mud with me. I can't help doing it. I'm not telling you yes or no. I'm just telling you that, that mud's pretty thick." Gillian watched him with a sad smile on her face, the crinkles around her eyes telling him that it was real, genuine. His hand was still wrapped around hers. She took a deep breath, wondering how she was going to respond to this one. In the end she decided just to be honest.

"What if I _want_ to get down and dirty?"


	7. Chapter 7

Cal just stared at her blankly for a moment, his mouth open until finally he found the ability to close it. He looked at his daughter.

"Emily, wake up darling, we're leaving," he said with a smirk on his face before looking back at the woman in front of him. She was mirroring his smirk.

"You're serious," he stated finally and she nodded. He put a hand to his face, running it down over the bottom half of it.

"Bloody hell…"

"Cal, I…" She never got the chance to finish. Suddenly the door opened and Zoe burst in, her face contorted in worry and fear. Cal threw Gillian an apologetic glance as he stood up. Gillian remained seated.

"Cal, what happened? I just got accosted by some couple when they heard who I was here to see. What the hell's going on?" Cal held up his hands to calm her.

"Relax. They had a run in with me, don't worry about it…"

"Don't worry about it? What did you say to them?" Cal glanced at Gillian, a glance she read as 'help' but she sat back in her chair. She was staying well and truly out of this one.

"I told them that if Emily was seriously injured I was going to make sure their son would never drive a moped ever again never mind a car." Zoe sighed.

"That was stupid Cal. You shouldn't have said anything…" Cal shook his head, holding his hands.

"Look, nothing's going to happen. And if it does, I've got a perfectly good lawyer to defend me and a perfectly good psychologist to say I was out of my bloody mind with worry for my daughter. Right love?" He turned to Gillian expecting her to step in and defend him. Gillian swallowed.

"Well, technically, given my association with you, I wouldn't be allowed to assess your psychological state." Cal turned to look at her, the beginning hints of annoyance creeping across his face. Glancing behind him, Gillian saw Zoe smirking to herself before shaking her head.

"Forget it Cal. I'm sure it'll be fine. You should go home." She said, moving to the bed and grasping Emily's hand in hers. Cal shook his head.

"No, I'm staying." Zoe frowned.

"Cal, you've been here all night. Go home, get some sleep, get a shower and come back. Or the nurses will be trying to decontaminate you." Cal raised an eyebrow.

"Oh that's lovely, that is." Zoe looked up at him again, a warning look on her face and he nodded.

"Fine." He turned to Gillian, "Could you give me a lift home luv?" Both Gillian and Zoe frowned at this one. He held his hands up.

"I was out of the office when I got the call. I grabbed the nearest taxi over here." Both women seemed satisfied with that response, Gillian standing up.

"Sure, no problem." She moved to the door and opened it, Cal following behind her, taking his last few glances at Emily. Zoe caught his arm as he walked past.

"Don't go saying anything to those people on your way out. Gillian?" Gillian turned and nodded.

"I'll make sure he behaves."

"Thanks."

OXOXOXO

As they passed through reception, Gillian caught his arm tightly and steered him toward the door. But the woman who'd been so annoyed earlier confronted him again.

"You think you can speak to us like that about our son, you're wrong! We're going to tear you apart!" Cal just looked at her, scrutinising, reading her. Gillian tugged at his arm but he remained.

"Let me put it this way for you. If it had been MY daughter who'd had 6 drinks and drove your son home, and this had happened, what would you be doing then? What would you be saying to me and my daughter if our roles were reversed?" The woman took a step back, face fallen, and Cal smirked.

"Thank you very much. Good night." He whirled on his heel and Gillian had to jog to keep up with him.

OXOXOXO

_Sorry for delay. Hopefully more to come soon._


	8. Chapter 8

"I'm proud of you," she said as they sat into her car and she started the engine. He looked across at her, the hint of a smile on his face but he replaced it with a curious frown.

"For what?"

"Not verbally attacking that boy's mother on the way out." He nodded and shrugged, wrapping his bottom lip over his top in thought. He turned to her again and took a moment to let his eyes wander from her face down along he body and back up.

"I felt you hand on my arm," he said quietly and he knew her foot had risen off the accelerator as he felt the car slow momentarily.

"What difference did that make?" she asked quietly, a knowing tone in her voice that told him she was only asking that question to give her time to think of another.

"You have a calming effect on me, love." She took her eyes off the road and raised an eyebrow at him to tell him that not even she believed that one. He smirked.

"Well, sometimes. Most of the time, well…you have a very different affect on me." She chuckled and smiled to herself. Cal could definitely read pride off the way her face lit up. She seemed to look ten years younger.

They drove the rest of the way to Cal's house in silence. As she pulled up outside his house, he seemed to come back to reality. He turned to her just as she yawned heavily.

"Come in for coffee."

"No I really should…"

"Oi. You're shattered, I'm not having you fall asleep at the wheel. Coffee. Now." He pointed an accusatory finger at her and she laughed, unbuckling her seatbelt as she did.

OXOXOXO

Once in the kitchen, they sat, again in silence, mulling over their respective coffees. Things were beginning to feel awkward in the silence. Cal had finished his coffee and was leaning against the island in the kitchen, crossing one leg over the other and back again, thinking about what to say.

Gillian, for the most part, was trying to stay neutral in her expressions, posture, everything. She stood up and moved to the sink to wash out her cup, then she moved back across the kitchen to lean against the fridge opposite Cal. He looked up at her from under his eyelids.

"Gill, I think we need to talk," he said, straightening up, shoving his hands in his pockets. Gillian straightened up too, glancing at the ground before shaking her head.

"No Cal." He frowned, taken aback and looked at her.

"Eh?" She took a step closer to him. Then another, and another until he felt the corner of the island poking into the small of his back. Slowly, and nervously Cal noted, she put a hand to his face, her thumb stroking his cheekbone.

"I think the _last _thing we need to do is talk."

With that, she kissed him.


	9. Chapter 9

"Yeah, you're probably right." Cal grinned as they broke. Her arms were around his neck while his hands were resting on her hips. He was breathless and all he wanted to do was kiss her again. So he did. All thought of right and wrong escaped from his head. They were adults, they were consenting, and heaven help them they were both only human.

Tightening his grip on her hips he turned her, hoisting her up onto the kitchen island, stepping between her legs as she wrapped them around his waist. He kissed her again, needing almost to stand on his tip-toes to reach her. The height of the island was an issue that needed to be dealt with if anything was to happen. For now though he was content to kiss her and nip at her neck, ears and down the front of her blouse. His hands crept between them and he began to unbutton the blouse she wore, from bottom to top. As he unhooked the top button he pushed the shirt back over her shoulders to reveal a white lacy bra and he grinned up at her.

While he admired the view, she pushed herself down off the island to stand in front of him and unbutton his own shirt. His hands roamed over her body while he kissed her neck and chest as she unbuttoned his shirt. As she undid the last button, he brought his lips to hers again and pulled his arms back behind him to let her push it off. He was toned, she noticed immediately, something she knew but just hadn't found interesting until experiencing it in a different way. He broke from their kiss suddenly, grabbing her hands in his and pulling her toward the hallway.

"Come on. I've been told I need to 'decontaminate'. You can help me." He grinned and pulled her along behind him.

OXOXOXO

It was after 12 that night when Cal felt the warmth of her body pull away from his. They'd made love in the shower and twice more before succumbing to sleep. It had been incredible, Cal had never experienced anything quite like it and he had had his fair share of experiences. He felt her hand slip from his chest and he lazily caught it with his own, without opening his eyes.

"Where'd you think you're going?" He opened one eye to peer at her through the darkness of the room. He smiled as he felt the weight shift in the mattress.

"I have to go home," she said softly and he released the sigh he'd been holding. Yawning, he sat up in the bed and flicked on the bedside lamp. He rubbed his eyes with his free hand, the other was still holding Gillian in place. He nodded at her, biting his bottom lip absentmindedly then stopping but not in time for her to miss it. She looked away. He brought his other hand to her face and turned it toward him.

"You're ashamed." It was a statement, not a question. She shook her head and he chuckled, leaning forward to catch her lips in a chaste kiss. He shrugged.

"I'm not ashamed Cal." He raised an eyebrow and she corrected herself.

"Ok, I am. But, it's not for the reason you think it is." Cal smiled and nodded in agreement.

"You're probably right on that. I mean, you're the shrink, not me." She smiled at that. She was always better at picking out the emotions and motivations behind someone's actions. He gave her a quizzical look, a jink of the eyebrows to tell her he was listening. She shifted her posture on the bed but couldn't seem to sit still so he pulled her arm until she was sitting fully on the bed next to him. He pushed back so that he could lean against the headboard, shifting one leg so that she sat between them. Then he pulled her back against his chest, his arms wrapping around her middle. He placed a soft kiss on her neck.

"Consider this my equivalent of the 'couch'." She could hear the amusement in his voice and she let her hand rest on his bare thigh in response.

"I'm not ashamed of the fact that I slept with you…"

"Well, that'd be a first…" he joked and she pinched his thigh.

"Ouch!"

"Stop interrupting!" He grinned and kissed her neck again. She continued, more confidently now.

"I'm ashamed because, I should feel some kind of remorse, some kind of betrayal to Alec. But I didn't and I don't. And I'm ashamed of myself for two reasons: one, that I even became this person who could cheat on my husband; and two, that I don't even care." Cal nodded his head behind her, taking it in, before leaning forward to look around at her face.

"So technically you are ashamed that you slept with me." She turned to look at him and automatically placed a chaste kiss on his lips again.

"No. If I'd slept with anyone else then I would be." Cal frowned.

"Why?"

"Because it would have meant nothing. And it wouldn't have been worth it." Cal's frown deepened but he said nothing for a moment. For a moment they just sat there, taking in what had been said and done. Eventually Cal broke the silence.

"So you're saying that…God, what are you saying? You're saying, what you're essentially saying is that, you wouldn't cheat on your husband for anyone but me?" Gillian bit her lip. When he put it like that it didn't really reflect well on either of them. But there was no point in trying to sugar over it. She nodded her head.

"Yeah." She heard Cal's head fall back against the headboard.

"So what does that make me? The home wrecker? The bit on the side? The other man?" Gillian took a breath and turned to face him, sliding her legs under his knee, finding herself leaning back against his other knee. She put a finger on his lips and silenced him.

"It makes you the 'only man' Cal. The only man."


	10. Chapter 10

Cal sat looking at her for a minute, their eyes locked, his jaw descending ever so slowly until eventually he pulled himself together and closed his mouth. Then he opened it again.

"You see, this is why I concentrate on reading faces and not words. Because I didn't follow a single word of what you just said." Gillian smiled warmly, knowing that he was just trying to be awkward. She leaned back against his leg, which he had flexed up for her to sit against.

"Cal, there's nothing confusing about what I said."

"Well put it in plain, stupid man English for me then." She spotted the hint of a smirk on his face. He was enjoying this. She smiled and shifted herself closer to him. He immediately felt a stirring in his groin and cursed himself, trying to think of something less attractive than her sitting right at his crotch.

"Ok. There is only one man I want. And it's not my husband." Cal moved to speak but she silenced him with her hand on his lips. He placed a soft kiss on her fingertips.

"Cal, things haven't been right for a long time, I told you that. And I don't want that anymore. I'm not going through that all again. But, you're not a rebound Cal. My marriage has been dying for the last seven months. But I've wanted you for the last seven years." Cal's eyes widened at that remark. He swallowed hard, her fingertips still on his lips. He spoke against them.

"Bloody hell…" She smiled and moved from under his leg, standing up at the edge of the bed. His eyes followed her, then his feet. He pulled on his jeans. As she reached the bedroom door, he laced an arm around her waist and pulled her back, kissing her as he did.

"What do we do?" he asked when they broke.

"I have to end it. You, you just have to be you. And be here for me." Cal looked back at the tossed bed and smirked at her.

"What, right there?" Gillian laughed and nodded her head.

"Yeah, that exact spot. If you're not there'll be consequences." Cal's eyes lit up.

"Ooh, I like the sound of that." She smiled and lead him out the door to his front door. He took a deep breath as her hand fell on the door.

"What'll you tell Alec?" he asked. She shrugged.

"That I was at the hospital. Then I drove you home." Something Gillian had said on the phone earlier came back to him suddenly.

"He won't be suspicious?" Gillian frowned.

"Why would he be?" Cal shrugged and stepped in to kiss her but she pushed him back.

"No, even I saw that. Why would he be suspicious?" Cal shifted from foot to foot, looking down at the ground. She knew he'd eavesdropped but he still felt a bit lousy mentioning it now.

"I heard you talking to him on the phone earlier. You said something about him 'not doing this to you again'. After you mentioned you were with me…" Gillian sighed. It was her turn to look at the ground.

"He doesn't suspect anything Cal, he never has. He just doesn't like how close we are and the fact that we spend time together outside work. He's sometimes made snide comments. Tonight was one of them. That's all." Cal nodded, accepting her answer even though he hadn't pried all the details. He raised his eyebrows.

"He doesn't like us being friends, he'll like this a hell of a lot less if he finds out." Gillian noticed there didn't seem to be the hint of worry in his voice. If anything there was unhidden glee.

"He won't. I'm going to end it. I want out but, I don't want to hurt him. He's going to have enough to deal with without that hanging over him." Cal nodded. Typical Gillian. She'd been through so much already but yet she was mindful of hurting him, even though he didn't pay the same courtesy. He was still smiling to himself when he felt her hand on his face.

"Eh?" he said, snapping back to reality.

"I'm going to go."

"Ok." He leaned in and kissed her softly as her hand turned on the doorknob and she stepped outside.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she said quietly and he nodded.

"Goodnight love."

OXOXOXO

_These chapters are really short at the minute because I don't really have time to elaborate. Hopefully from the next chapter on I'll be able to make them a little longer._


End file.
